“We Ship to Canada”…yah right

By Conor Healy

When it comes to buying from our favourite American retailers, Canadian online shoppers can’t seem to catch a break. Why does a struggling economy make it so difficult to purchase their goods? Why is it so hard to take things from one side of a border to the other? Isn’t there a free trade agreement? Taken from a close family member, below is an account of the troubles we’ve all seen shopping online.

West Elm: we ship internationally to over 90+ countries! YAY!
Me: I’m going to buy a duvet cover from you.
West Elm: Please enter your US address.
Me: I live in Canada.
West Elm: I will not tell you what to do if you live in Canada. Enter your US address.
Me: You may ship to me, but I can’t order from you online it seems. Which means I won’t be needing you to ship anything to me.
West Elm: Canadian money causes snowstorms. I heard that on Fox news, so it must be true. Winter is coming, but it doesn’t have to be right now. Please enter a US address.
Me: I live in Canada. What the hell, don’t you want my money?
West Elm: Due to an economic crisis in the United States, we are currently not accepting any foreign investment. I am just saying words now. I am very afraid that this is a trick to increase minimum wage.
Me: Fine, I won’t shop with you.
All US Retailers: Turn off the porch lights so those crazy Canadians consumers don’t buy our goods and send their devil snow to burn our flesh away! HIDE BEHIND THE STYLISH SOFAS!
Me: I still need a new duvet!