Interview Conducted by David Symmonds

We all know Dr Hamr, the National Championship-winning soccer coach/Head of the Systems Department. But how much do we really know about this crayfish enthused teacher? In this interview I sit down with the man and ask, among other things, tough questions about Mr. Hutton’s hair and predicting the future. Read on.

DS: So what exactly is Systems?

PH: Systems is an environmental science course. It’s a course that deals with general ecology, and teaches you about pollution and the impacts of human population and resource exploitation.  I think it’s one of the most interesting courses in the school and I wish everybody could take it. So, I think it’s very important.

DS: On a scale of one to ten, how much better would you say Systems is than Biology? (I’ll let Mr. Turner know)

PH: It’s equal. It’s a tie, but I think Systems is overall more interesting

DS: We all know Will Hall took Systems and got into Yale; would you say there is a direct correlation?

PH: I don’t know about that, but I know Bhala, Head Steward in the early 2000s, took Systems, got a seven and got into Yale. Let’s just say, Will isn’t the first and I don’t think he’ll be the last.

DS: Do you enjoy teaching Systems more than Bio?

PH: Again, it’s close to a tie. They’re different. I also like teaching the highflying Bio students in FY. There’s now more of a crossover between good science students and people taking Systems and HL. I hope someone gets double this year – the HL Bio prize and the Systems prize.

DS: Would you prefer to teach a course on crayfish or the past glories and present triumphs of the greatest club in soccer, Arsenal FC?

PH: Crayfish, without a doubt. Soccer come and goes, but crayfish are forever.

DS: How would you describe an ideal Systems student?

PH: Top striker in soccer, talented artist and actor, a good science student.

DS: Do you see a lot of them in your class?

PH: I see parts of them…

DS: Now for some questions I’m sure are very pressing for the UCC community. Do you resent not being chosen as having the best hair in the faculty during assembly a couple weeks ago?

PH: A little bit, since I’ve got more hair than Mr. Hutton and mine was blonde at one time. I don’t recall him ever doing anything outrageous with his hair. I once shaved my head for cancer, but I guess that’s ancient history

DS: Would you consider wrestling Mr. Hutton for the title during assembly?

PH: No, he’s too fit. He would beat the crap out of me.

DS: Are E tunes ever coming back?

PH: They’re rumored to come back. I’ve got some good tunes waiting.

DS: Since you did your PhD on crayfish, does that make you a Doctor of Crayfish or Biology?

PH: No, it makes me a Doctor of Crayfish, but there’s no such thing as a Doctor of Crayfish. My real title is Doctor of Philosophy, specialization in Zoology; that’s the study of animals.

DS: Have you ever thrown one of those crayfish parties for a class?

PH: Not for a class, but I throw one at my house every summer. I should think about that. They do the crayfish parties in Sweden every August and that’s when I do them. I have to respect the Swedes and do it at the right time.

DS: Finally, by how many goals do you think Arsenal is going to beat Marseille tonight in the champion’s league?

PH: 2 to 1, Van Persie and Gervinho scoring.