Welcome to “Aramark Meal Review” – where I, Alex/Arex Nguyen/Newyen/Nuhgooyen, part-time IB student and full-time Aramark Vet (4 Years a Boarder) attempt to review the best and worst Aramark has to offer.
To fully appreciate the Aramark Meal Review, one must understand the criterions which I apply to every culinary adventure that is an Aramark Meal Review. The meal will be graded on a scale of Aramark 1-10. This means that Aramark Meals will be compared to other Aramark Meals, outside food like the ambrosia that is McDicks will not affect this highly calibrated scale. The overall score will take into account:
- SAS approved nutritional value – the standards are as vigorously applied as that of the LD
- Texture – does it feel like real meat you’re eating? Is there a whiff of racoon in the air?
- Overall flavour – general deliciousness judged through a veteran’s palate
- General public’s enjoyability – basically how many plates are stacked by the end
Now that you al understand how Aramark Meal Review (AMR for short) works, I’ll introduce the inaugural meal: Fajitas
Let’s talk about the condiments first. Here we have salsa, sour cream, shredded cheddar, and guac. Now this here is the Fantastic Four of Mexican condiments, and the fact that guac isn’t extra is a huge plus. Now as Aramark condiments go this is as good as it is going to get. Guac provides essential and healthy unsaturated fats via the avocado, whilst salsa is made from tomatoes which is a fruit so I think it must be good for you somehow. Now mind you this isn’t the freshest, greenest, most high quality guac, but its good enough. You also can’t really mess up shredded cheddar and sour cream so, all in all, an Aramark 9.5/10 for this meal’s condiments.
We have here first a chicken fajita with corn, guac, salsa, sour cream and a small side of rice. Next is a beef fajita with corn and guac. Now you might be asking, why so little carbs? One word. Paleo.
Anyhow. These fajitas are an overall world 7ish/10 but an Aramark 8.5/10. Why? First we look towards the first criteria: SAS approved nutritional value. Both the chicken and beef versions provide us with the only nutrient we need, protein. The various condiments, corn, and fajita wrapping make it so that any question as to texture disappears in a haze of too much tabasco sauce and too little seasoning. But at least that nagging question that is mystery meat inside your head isn’t there. The rice wasn’t Sahara-dry so I give it a 7/10. Flavour-wise, this probably has to be one of the better meals at UCC, and other Aramark Vets seem to agree (I had this Monday night for dinner). Even to the desensitized palates of the other Vets, the average plate-stack-height was 2/3, so either everyone is bulking or the meal was good.
Now I don’t have any photos or opinions on the vegetarian options or the soup. Why? Well, because 1. Its chicken and rice soup and as an Asian such usage of rice is blasphemy, and 2. Who eats a grilled tofu fajita?
Finally, we have the meal’s dessert, Créme Caramel. This gets a -5/10 on the SAS nutrition scale as it is nothing but empty carbs and sugars, and while tasted at a decent 7/10 had a texture that one Jeremy “Markshow” Marco describes as: “coagulated yellow blood” – 2/10 for texture. Don’t ask how I know what 1/10 texture feels like. (Hint: my last name is Nguyen)
No Aramark Dinner is finished without a mandatory visit to the all-you-can-eat ice-cream-bar. With options for every preference, this thing is heaven sent. I’m also pretty sure this is where 80+% of the Aramark budget is allocated. 11/10.
OVERALL MEAL SCORE – Aramark 9/10