Rooftop Mystery – Looks like a job for *Investigative Journalism*

What’s that? It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, really, what is it?

By Will Rooney

There is a specter haunting Lonsdale – the specter of private contracting. There has been a veritable tempest of rumors going on about *it*. The thing that crawls and hulks about upon roofline. It agilely perches atop the great red brick monolith we sometimes call Upper Canada College, surrounded by the otherwise desolate wasteland, Forest Hill deforested. It is master of all it surveys, it is in the commanding heights, it knows no real bounds, no mortal bounds at least.

How does it feel to be a God, fair creature? I wouldn’t have the courage to climb to your heavenly nest and inquire with thee. How does one speak to that which has lost the need for ears? Were you born, or have you always been? God may be immortal, but you, metal warrior, zenith of our school’s architectural prowess, you are eternal.

TBAW Ace Reporter Will Rooney sat down (he didn’t actually, he just sent him a really gawky sounding e-mail) with Mr. Steve Thuringer, leader of the men responsible for bringing us this cradle of rooftop-related-virtue.

What is the platform-like thing on the roof? Is it the first step in some sort of air-conditioning? 

The large platform “like thing” is the structure for the supply air vents that were installed during the November long weekend. It will look much the same as the other grates that occupy the other roof lines on this building.

Does it then have something to do with the large wooden boxes that were up on the third and second floors for a while?

Those large wooden boxes are the ducts that will carry the supply air from those new grates to the building interior and exhaust the stale air from the same space.

Is it a part of the Think Ahead program? 

A portion of the costs of the renovations is indeed being financed by the Think Ahead Campaign

What are the next steps? 

Next summer we will renovate two labs and the washrooms in Seaton’s House.

Only that which has no history can be defined. We have hardly scratched the lacquered acrylic that coats our new “structure for the supply air vents” (to quote the canon text). Whatever this air will supply future students, a divine wind to launch a thousand scholar-ships perhaps, there is a certain will it emanates. For now: Amen. So be it.