By Phelan Niu
As I ponder my answer to the question, “Who am I?” I could easily say that I am defined by the
shape of my body: my muscles, my hair, my scars. But this statement would be disingenuous to
my belief that I am more than my physical features; I am my character. The way I think, react,
and act are all ways I distinguish myself from others. However, this begs the question, how can I
differentiate my character from others? My answer is that because experiences serve as the
basis for our character, and our experiences over our lives are different, we are all unique
beings.
We learn from past experiences that guide us on how to react in similar situations. For
example, if a person had an experience with burning their hand on a stove, in the future, they
would be more aware of hot surfaces. This may also be applied socially, where a person might
learn the proper etiquette in the classroom after being scolded by their teacher. Our current
memories shape how we think, react, and act.
But what about memories that we have lost? Ones that have been forgotten over time or
suppressed from trauma. I believe that at a time when these experiences were present in our
memory, they acted in the same way as the memories we have currently. That is to say that
although they may be lost, their impact on my self at that time is present, thus having an impact
on my self right now, as my current self is built upon my past self. This may explain why we act
in ways we cannot explain. I, for one, have a habit of always rolling up my long pants, although I
have no explanation why. I cannot say for certain this is motivated by a lost memory, but it would
not be a lost memory if I did not know. Suppressed traumatic experiences may operate in the
same way, but have a much larger presence in the way we act, but I cannot speak from
personal anecdotes.
In summary, I believe that because I uniquely my character, and because my character
is formed of current and lost memories, I am my memories. This is not to say that my self exists
only in the mind, as memories can and are held in physical features (such as scars or hair). The
best way I like to portray my idea is through the image of a mosaic that has been painted
repeatedly on top of its previous self. Certain fragments may be left untouched, perhaps from
many iterations ago, but as a whole, the visible image is formed by old and new painted
fragments representing the remembered experiences that shape me. For the lost experiences,
they are not really, forming the base for the experiences painted over them, influencing their
texture. In the end, because all memories are present somewhere, although maybe not visible
anymore, no memory is ever really lost.
The Blue and White 